Hey Betty, what’s the best way to find out what someone’s perfect relationship is like and how do I tell them about mine?
Chat up your date about the perfect relationship for each of you by being clear and open. You’ve gotta get what you expect and what they’re hoping for too.
Step 1: Looking Inward
Before you dive into this chat, spend a sec thinking about what you really want in a relationship. Start by asking yourself stuff like:
- The traits I look for in a partner? Consider stuff like being nice, funny, smart, and ready to share feelings.
- How I expect us to talk? Ponder how much you wanna chat and how key it is to talk things out.
- My ideas for spending good time together? Think up things to do that bring you closer, like going out on dates or doing fun activities together.
- My take on sorting out arguments? Figure out your style in dealing with fights and the give-and-take you’re okay with.
Step 2: Kicking off the Chat
With your own standards all figured out, it’s go-time to have a chat with your mate or date. Here’s a way to get the talking started:
- Pick a Good Time: Pick a chilled place where you and the other person can chat about private stuff without stuff getting in the way.
- Ask Questions That Don’t Have a Simple Yes or No Answer: Kick things off with questions that get the other person to say more, like:
o “What’s your dream relationship like?”o “What traits make for a solid team?”
Step 3: Hear Them Out
When your partner spills their ideas make sure you’re hearing them. This has to do with:
- Listening: Give their words your full attention and don’t cut them off.
- Affirming Emotions: Show you get where they’re coming from with phrases like, “I get why that’d bug you.”
- Digging Deeper: Prompt them to give more info by asking stuff like:
o “Wanna explain a bit more about that thing you dig?”
Step 4: Toss Your Ideas into the Mix
Once your date’s done sharing, it’s your turn to throw in your two cents. Make it personal with “I” statements like this:
- Be Clear About What You Stand For: For instance:
o “I hold the belief that trust and open talk are key in a partnership.”o “Spending good times with my partner while also giving each other space is what I see as an ideal relationship.”
Step 5: Search for What You Agree On
When you both have put your thoughts out there, talk about where you match up and where you don’t:
- Spot Mutual Beliefs: Point out parts where you’re on the same page. Like:
o “Looks like we’re both big on being truthful and supportive with each other.” - Tackle Your Differing Opinions in a Cool Way: If you don’t see eye to eye be curious, not critical:
o “I notice we’re not on the same wavelength about the amount of time we should hang out. Maybe we can dive into that a bit more?”
Step 6: Setting Up What We Expect
Alright now’s the time to figure out what you both want and need to feel good in this relationship:
- Make Clear Limits: Talk about what you need from each other to be happy together.
- Decide on How to Talk: Choose how much you’ll touch base about these things you expect from one another.
Stick to these points, and you’re on track to having a talk that builds understanding and makes your bond stronger.
To wrap things up, talk about what you or someone else wants in a perfect relationship, start by looking inward then kick off the talk with thoughtful wide-open questions, be all ears, say what’s on your mind with “I” phrases meet halfway with grace when you bump into differences, and lay down what you both are looking for ahead.
I’d be happy to discuss it more; schedule your complimentary call with me now!