What does romance mean? No matter how many dictionaries you consult, you’ll get a lot of different definitions. But essentially, romance relates to the feelings of pleasure and comfort, or even mystery and longing, that are associated with a person you love and are in a relationship with. Romance, for our purposes, relates to the [read more]
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What You Saw is Not What I Did – How Perception Can Mess with a Relationship Part II
Last week we started to look at perception and what it means, the fact that it is not too reliable, and that emotions, memories, fears, and expectations are like filters that alter our perceptions. (What you saw is not what I did part I) What do these truths about perceptions mean to a relationship? Well, [read more]
What You Saw is Not What I Did – How Perception Can Mess with a Relationship, Part I
Susan had been married to Dave for 20 years. Early on, Susan struggled in the relationship because Dave was emotionally distant. Though he was a kind man, he had a hard time being there for Susan when things got rough. The emotional turbulence was way too much for him (for reasons we won’t go into [read more]
Balance of Power vs. Control – How to Share Power in a Relationship
“I’m not the one who’s a control freak,” squawked my friend Allison. She was calling for a debriefing about a month into a new relationship. She wouldn’t let any of her friends wear white after Labor Day, but she said that compared to Patrick, she’s the definition of mellow. Apparently Patrick used a powerfully shriveling [read more]
Reaching Accord: How the Power Struggle Stage Can Create Relationship Growth
A few weeks ago, I got a call from Eric. He needed coaching, he said, because his perfect relationship was suddenly not-so-perfect, and he did not have a clue what was going on. He was grieving for what he saw as the loss of his ideal relationship. He told me: “Gillian and I fell passionately [read more]
Shifting out of Loneliness: The Nuance of Solitude (Part II)
Human beings are social creatures. Our need to belong is not just a factor of our socialization—it’s encoded in our DNA! As the 17th century poet John Donne wrote so profoundly: “No man is an island / entire of itself.” All of us fall on a continuum of how social we are, depending on how [read more]
Being Alone vs Being Lonely: The Nuance of Solitude (Part I)
Jennifer’s divorce hadn’t been final for more than a month when she called me up asking about matchmaking services. As we talked, I soon understood what was going on—a common story. She finally admitted: “I’m lonely, I want someone to fill the void David left behind.” When I heard that I knew it was a [read more]
Choose Your Thoughts—and Kick Self-Sabotaging Behaviors to the Curb
William James, American philosopher and the father of American psychology, once wrote: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” It is no longer a mystery that thought has creative power. Not just in its ability to generate great ideas, but as a manifester of belief, action, truth…in a [read more]