Betty Answers Dating Questions

Question: Can you advise me how to proceed on a third date with a girl that makes me butterfly nervous?

Dear Betty,I am at the very beginning of a new relationship and need advice. Here are the details:I’m 48 and she is 47. We both have kids – I have a son in college and she has two teenage sons. We used to work together and have known each other for five years. We always flirted, but were in other relationships. We are no longer co-workers and fate has put us on the same path—both available. I called her up and we met for a drink, caught up, had a blast, laughing and chatting. We briefly touched … [Read More...] about Question: Can you advise me how to proceed on a third date with a girl that makes me butterfly nervous?

Question: Should I try to get my girlfriend back?

Dear Betty,  My girlfriend Nelly broke up with me last week. She said it was because she knew that our relationship had an expiration date—we are both going to be going off to grad school in the next 18 months and had already talked about how we probably wouldn’t do long distance. I was still stunned because we really love each other and had such a good time together. She suffers from anxiety and I think that may be related. Should I try to help her see that it would not be a bad thing to just … [Read More...] about Question: Should I try to get my girlfriend back?

Question: How can I end this streak of attracting narcissistic partners?

I'm very introverted by nature and not very good at reading people. In relationships I tend not to feel the need to lead hence I think I tend to attract narcissistic men. Needless to say my relationships all end very badly and dramatically because it takes time for me to figure the other person out. And as much as I don't feel the need to control, I don't want to be controlled either! My question is how can I end this streak of attracting narcissistic partners? Should I be more assertive? … [Read More...] about Question: How can I end this streak of attracting narcissistic partners?

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Expert Dating Advice

Getting Started with Online Dating

I’m not going to lie to you. Getting back into the dating scene is not a walk in the park. It can be fantastically fun, interesting, rewarding, and exciting, but it can also be discouraging, time-consuming, frustrating, emotionally challenging, and, every now and then, a little ridiculous. Is it worth it? Absolutely. (And I can help.) The internet is a wonderful resource for connecting you to just the right person. Be patient—it’s a process, not a push-button solution. For detailed, … [ read more ]

How to Communicate Effectively

Want to have great communication with the woman or man in your life? First, agree on how to communicate. When discussing an important subject, it is helpful to be very clear about what you need. For starters, here’s a bit of (perhaps unexpected) data: studies have shown that both men and women speak approximately 16,000 words a day. So just for the record, women do not talk more than men. It’s not how much they talk, it’s how. And it’s the expectations that come along with communicating … [ read more ]

Can long distance relationships last?

Long-distance relationships have been around for a long time.  At one time in history separation by ten miles would constitute a long-distance relationship and contact would be done via handwritten letters.  Much of the courtship between poets Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning was conducted via love letters, which are wonderful to read!  They fell deeply in love through the written word.  They ended up marrying happily and the success of their initial long-distance relationship is … [ read more ]

Ready, Set, Commitment?

You’ve probably heard the jokes. Commitment is a “bad word.” We are led to believe that these three syllables alone can cause an alarming spike in blood pressure or a fainting spell in certain people. Typically rather sexist in nature, these jokes portray men as commitment-phobic children who can’t settle down. Forget all that. Commitment is no joke, and neither is it a joke if you are NOT ready for it. Also forget gender stereotypes… there are plenty of women and men who simply are not … [ read more ]

The Readiness Factor—Is it Time to Start Dating Again?

No matter where you are on the dating continuum, it’s always a good idea to step back and take stock of your readiness. So, if you are already in the dating pool, or if you are thinking about dipping your toe back in, or if you are worried that you may never be ready to take the plunge into the deep end again—take a close look at where you are. This will call for a close analysis of your motives, your emotions, and your attitudes towards putting yourself out there and connecting romantically … [ read more ]

Kiss and Tell? Guidelines for If and When to Share a Past Relationship in a New One

My client Angie has been dating John for a few weeks.  She is feeling happy at how things are going but she called me recently to ask for some advice. She asked, “Should I talk about past relationships?” I said definitively, “Yes.”  But with some caveats.  Basically, honesty is always the best policy when you are getting to know someone.  Your past makes you who you are and avoiding talking about your ex might seem like a red flag – what are you hiding? Angie understood what I was … [ read more ]