Betty Answers Dating Questions

Question: Can you advise me how to proceed on a third date with a girl that makes me butterfly nervous?

Dear Betty,I am at the very beginning of a new relationship and need advice. Here are the details:I’m 48 and she is 47. We both have kids – I have a son in college and she has two teenage sons. We used to work together and have known each other for five years. We always flirted, but were in other relationships. We are no longer co-workers and fate has put us on the same path—both available. I called her up and we met for a drink, caught up, had a blast, laughing and chatting. We briefly touched … [Read More...] about Question: Can you advise me how to proceed on a third date with a girl that makes me butterfly nervous?

Question: Should I try to get my girlfriend back?

Dear Betty,  My girlfriend Nelly broke up with me last week. She said it was because she knew that our relationship had an expiration date—we are both going to be going off to grad school in the next 18 months and had already talked about how we probably wouldn’t do long distance. I was still stunned because we really love each other and had such a good time together. She suffers from anxiety and I think that may be related. Should I try to help her see that it would not be a bad thing to just … [Read More...] about Question: Should I try to get my girlfriend back?

Question: How can I end this streak of attracting narcissistic partners?

I'm very introverted by nature and not very good at reading people. In relationships I tend not to feel the need to lead hence I think I tend to attract narcissistic men. Needless to say my relationships all end very badly and dramatically because it takes time for me to figure the other person out. And as much as I don't feel the need to control, I don't want to be controlled either! My question is how can I end this streak of attracting narcissistic partners? Should I be more assertive? … [Read More...] about Question: How can I end this streak of attracting narcissistic partners?

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Online Dating Advice

The Dating Menu: Online, Matchmaking or the Old-fashioned Way?

There are many people out there in the world who are smart, interesting, put-together, single and available for a relationship. They know what they want and need in a relationship and have confidence and self-awareness. And yet they are single. Maybe you are one of these people. Their friends can’t figure out why. Heck, they can’t figure out why. What’s getting in the way? All the lights are green but traffic is at a standstill. Often, they simply don’t know how to start. They are unsure of the … [read more]

Going Offline to Get On Track

You have read an appealing profile on a dating site and you like the pictures. There was enough promise that you sent a message. After some interesting banter, you’ve set a meeting at a convenient location. So far, all your communication with this person has been online. Face to face is going to be different. You have to get off-line for those sparks to fly, but don’t let the prospect of that first meeting daunt you. It’s just a meeting, a chance to see if there might be something there—it’s not … [read more]

How to Interpret a Profile #3—The “Wish List”

The “what are you looking for in a relationship” part of any dating profile is a list of wishes, but the wishes need to be based in reality, not fantasy. Unfortunately, there are plenty of people out there who seem unclear about what a healthy relationship might look like. How to weed them out? Let me help. The “what are you looking for in a relationship” list. This is a tough section. There are some common pitfalls to look for (and to avoid when you write yours—I can help!). Here’s a … [read more]

Expert Dating & Relationship Advice

The Dating Menu: Online, Matchmaking or the Old-fashioned Way?

There are many people out there in the world who are smart, interesting, put-together, single and available for a relationship. They know what they want and need in a relationship and have confidence and self-awareness. And yet they are single. Maybe you are one of these people. Their friends can’t figure out why. Heck, they can’t figure out why. What’s getting in the way? All the lights are green but traffic is at a standstill. Often, they simply don’t know how to start. They are unsure of the … [read more]

Live together or Marry? 21st Century Options

A mere 50 years ago (which isn’t that long, really) everything was very different.  There was still a huge stigma on couples who chose to live together “out of wedlock” as it was called, and parents whose children did so white-knuckled the social embarrassment until they could finally send out those wedding announcements.  Aside from personal freedom, which many women, at least, had to give up in order to marry, there were few “practical” benefits to remaining single.  All societal signals of … [read more]

No is Not a Bad Word: How to Say No to a Second Date

When my client Amy met Justin through an online dating site, it was a happy moment. He appeared to have everything Amy was looking for in a relationship, and prior to their first meeting, she was very optimistic and excited. After a few preliminary emails, they met face to face for coffee and a short intro meeting. Although Amy’s first impression was tepid, she was curious. After all, he looked perfect on paper. She decided to accept a dinner invitation from him. They went to a nice Italian … [read more]