Can you help me understand why I have a hard time asking for what I need in a relationship?
Yes, I can help you. This a very important question because all relationships end due to unmet needs or death. Whether the needs are known or unknown, spoken or unspoken they are critical to having a mutually satisfying relationship. Many times, we are unaware of a need until it becomes an issue. That is your cue to discover what you need in your relationships and to speak up. There are many valid reasons for finding it challenging to ask someone to meet our needs. Below are some possibilities.
Not knowing needs
Fear of being judged or rejected
Fear of our needs not being accepted or understood
Over focus on partner’s needs and neglecting our own needs
Finding the right words to communicate needs
Start by identifying and writing your needs on paper. Ask your partner to talk with you and have an open, honest discussion about what you are feeling and ask them for their input into ways that you can work together to achieve a mutually satisfying agreement. If you are anxious about the discussion, practice what you want to say out loud and notice how the words would land for you if you were hearing them.
You absolutely can get your needs met in the right relationship so go forth and ask.
If you need help to identify your needs and practice your words, please sign up for a one time complimentary call and we will work through it. I am always here for you.