Dear Betty,
How can I squeeze dating into my busy life? I feel like dating is a part time job.
Dating and relationships are an investment of your time, energy, and emotions. The more you put in, the more you can get back. To have a meaningful relationship you must be ready for one and part of that is having the time and space for it in the 7-day weeks that make up your life.
Consider the following ways to make time to date:
- Make yourself your number one priority: Spend some time with you. Ask yourself, diary in hand (or not), what you want out of life? Out of relationships? Discover your partnering likes, dislikes, values, needs and relationship requirements. Next, actually plan a dating strategy. Figure out where, how and when you can make dating a priority. Then put the plan into action.
- Leave work at work: Our jobs can devour huge chunks of our lives. No matter at what the stage of our career: just starting out, acquiring skills and a reputation, building to the next level, holding on to our position, or turning up the heat so we can actually retire eventually –work can consume us. If you find it difficult to turn off “work mode,” you are not alone. But as valued as your dedication is when you are at work, you are doing yourself no favor at all if that professional dedication sabotages your personal life. My suggestion: appreciate all that you have accomplished and reward yourself by turning it off when you walk out the door. It will be there tomorrow.
- Limit time spent on your devices: Technology is a great tool. Use it, and then lose it, at least for several hours a day. Today’s information overload can take over your life and consume every moment you are not sleeping or working. Use technology in a way that truly benefits your life, but try to extricate yourself from the merely distracting elements. Get off Facebook, stop browsing YouTube, Instagram, Pinterest or whatever your addictive sites are, and spend time with yourself and others – face to face.
- Slow Down: Do you ever find yourself with an extra, unscheduled 30 minutes or even an hour? Don’t laugh, it could happen. If it does, just enjoy those extra minutes. There is no need to fill every second of every day being efficient and productive. Time can simply be enjoyed. Listen: to the wind outside your window, to music, or even to your own thoughts, heartbeat and breath. Having an unscheduled hour may feel almost as good as having an 8th day of the week.
- Reach out: When you’ve left work at work, turned off your iPad and laptop and silenced your phone, found a moment to listen to what is inside of you, then you can take the steps necessary to connect with someone. When you find yourself dating a lovely person—be generous to both of you buy making time to meet up, talk, walk, hold hands, whatever it is that brings you together.
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