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Question: I am in love with someone who considers me only a friend. What should I do?

I am in love with someone who considers me only a friend. In fact, Deirdre and I are very close as friends, and she knows how I feel. She has romantic relationships with men but I can’t seem to feel anything for another woman because of how I feel for her. What should I do?


Dear Jason,
However jarring, you have two options; accept the status quo or let go and move on.

The very nature of your question tells me how painful and confusing this relationship is for you. Know that you are not alone—most of us have experienced an unrequited love—either wanting or not being able to reciprocate someone’s love. It can be unintentionally hurtful for both parties.

Of course only you know what is best for you and since you are already living with the status quo, I am going to propose another option.

Consider all the qualities—not physical characteristics, but personal qualities like humor, honesty, integrity, trustworthiness—about this person that you find appealing and write them down. Ask yourself, “Are these the qualities I want and need in a partner?” If so, great! You know what you are drawn to—and you know what you are looking for.

Think of your future partner as Deirdre+, a person who has all those wonderful qualities but is also available to have a meaningful relationship with you. Move on and find the right person for you who will love and appreciate the special person you are.

To further this conversation click the link below to get your complimentary “Dating Successfully” Coaching session.

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Betty walked the path with me in such a way that I found someone amazing!

In a world saturated with online dating and connections that just seem ingenious, I had given up hope. I craved human connection that didn’t involve a screen and knew that I had a lot of love to give.

Finding that person was an uphill battle, but Betty made me feel as though I was not alone. She helped me believe in myself and walked the path with me in such a way that I found someone amazing… and learned more about myself in the process. In my eyes, that’s a double win! – Bruce W, Nashville TN

Betty helped me to regain my authenticity and confidence

I was down-right desperate to find love. I was looking in all the wrong places and found my emotions to be all over the place every time I went on a date. I felt disappointed and hopeless.

Betty helped me to regain my authenticity and confidence. She didn’t just help me to find a partner, but also helped me to navigate my emotions, and realize that it takes two to tango. I had to be the best version of myself to meet someone, and Betty did that for me. – Amanda S, New Orleans LA

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