I am in love with someone who considers me only a friend. In fact, Deirdre and I are very close as friends, and she knows how I feel. She has romantic relationships with men but I can’t seem to feel anything for another woman because of how I feel for her. What should I do?
However jarring, you have two options; accept the status quo or let go and move on.
The very nature of your question tells me how painful and confusing this relationship is for you. Know that you are not alone—most of us have experienced an unrequited love—either wanting or not being able to reciprocate someone’s love. It can be unintentionally hurtful for both parties.
Of course only you know what is best for you and since you are already living with the status quo, I am going to propose another option.
Consider all the qualities—not physical characteristics, but personal qualities like humor, honesty, integrity, trustworthiness—about this person that you find appealing and write them down. Ask yourself, “Are these the qualities I want and need in a partner?” If so, great! You know what you are drawn to—and you know what you are looking for.
Think of your future partner as Deirdre+, a person who has all those wonderful qualities but is also available to have a meaningful relationship with you. Move on and find the right person for you who will love and appreciate the special person you are.
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