Whether you are from Detroit, Tampa, or Mars, you may not know the answers to that age-old question: “What do women want?” The subject is obviously compelling enough that Nancy Meyers made a movie about it awhile back. In the movie, Mel Gibson is given an incredible gift. He can hear the thoughts of women and girls and figure out exactly what it is that they want. Unless you plan on being electrocuted into clairvoyance in the near future, maybe a safer bet is to let me give you some guidelines.
Confidence is sexy. It just is, and women are attracted to it. Not feeling confident? You are not alone. But there are ways to raise your confidence with women so that they see the best version of you.
To bring your A game consider:
- Assessing your physical appearance and making any changes that might boost your confidence. Wardrobe and grooming are not too hard to tackle. A real man can and should be pulled together.
- Check in with yourself. Are you ready to date? Have you divested yourself of any baggage from past relationships? Residual pain and hurt can manifest as lack of confidence. Understandably so, if you have been hurt, but it’s best to leave that behind before dating again.
- Practice. Practice catching a woman’s eye across the coffee shop. Practice talking casually to women, at the check-out, as you fill your gas tank or wait for an elevator. Practice eye contact and smiling—the kind of smile that reaches your eyes. It’s easier to practice with strangers. Go for it!
Pay attention. Women want to be heard. What is she saying?
Some important tips:
- Know how to hold a conversation that makes her want to talk to you more. Then listen. Raptly.
- Ask questions about her. Then ask follow-up questions that show you were really tuned in.
- Find topics in common to keep the conversation going.
Learn the language. #2 was about listening. Now I’m talking about body language. Women use it. They’re so fluent they don’t even know how much they are revealing sometimes.
Here is a basic primer to get you started:
- Smile = “Hello. I am available for communication!”
- Repeated glances in your direction/eye contact = “I’m already interested in you.”
- A notable lean towards you = “I want to know more. Keep talking.”
Be interesting. I mean, you obviously are interesting, but maybe you need some practice revealing your true colors to women. Very simply put: women date interesting men. If you are at ease, humorous and confident (remember #1?), you will be catch her interest.
- Give some thought to what it is that makes you uniquely you. Those things will be exciting to a woman. Share them with her.
- Breathe deeply, or whatever works so you can leave the nerves at home – relax, have fun.
- Tell an amusing story. Check her body language. If the signs are good, tell another one.
Women love a gentleman. Yes, strong, independent, professional, confident, mature women love a gentleman. Being gallant will impress her. You can do this without being patronizing.
It is simply respectful and kind to:
- Hold doors open for her.
- Say please and thank you.
- Pick up the tab.
Most importantly, of course, is that you be yourself. Don’t put on an act to be the guy you think she wants you to be. Instead, be the best version of yourself.