Last week I outlined five essential elements of what men need to keep in mind about women, to give themselves a running start on successful dating and relationship-building. Well, ladies, this week it’s your turn. I outlined five essential elements for you to keep in mind about men.
As a woman, chances are you are fairly intuitive by nature. But many men are less so. Don’t get me wrong, a man can be able to read body language, facial expressions and between the lines like a champ. But don’t make the poor guy pass an intuition test just to get to know you. Men appreciate directness. The main thing to keep in mind is—communicate openly, just as you want him to do.
- Be yourself. Men want women who are authentic and honest. Part of that is open and frank communication. If you don’t like Italian food, tell him before he spends $150.00 on hand-rolled gnocchi and high-end carpaccio. He’d prefer the honesty than having his feelings protected. If he selected a restaurant that won’t please you, how is that going to make him feel good? Part of being yourself is: no manipulating and no game playing. Examine your motives. Examine your desires. Communicate the latter directly while keeping the former pure.
- Look your best. I don’t mean to scare you. Believe me, I am not talking about caving into media pressure to wear clothing sized in the negative numbers, or surgically enhancing certain body parts. I just mean, look your best. Men are visual creatures. They appreciate a carefully put together woman who knows how to accentuate her natural beauty. Buy that new outfit that shows off your gorgeous legs or highlights your feminine curves. While you’re at it, opt for an updated hair style and invest in some pretty lipstick. This is a chance to pamper yourself, which will benefit you and directly communicate with a man’s visual nature.
- Be a partner. Men want women to want them rather than need them. Confident, capable women are attractive to men who want to be seen as desired equals. If you are enjoying your own life, he won’t feel he needs to step in and save you from something. As an independent woman with your own interests and goals, you will be more likely to find a man who is independent and confident as well. This doesn’t mean that people in a relationship don’t care for each other and need support sometimes, but men don’t want need to be the foundation for a partnership, any more than you do.
- Pay attention. A man wants someone who really “gets” him. Understanding, empathy and shared interests are all part of that picture. Listen to what he is saying. And don’t just wait for him to talk. He might never get around to it! Instead, seek him out. Ask him about his goals and aspirations. And while you’re at it, share yours. When you are both paying close attention to each other, connection on a very real, deep level can happen. It’s magic!
- Acknowledge him. This idea relates to paying attention and communication in general. Don’t assume he’s going to figure out how you feel about him on his own, no matter how powerful your context clues might be. Rather than awaiting his intuitive knowing, let him hear your direct telling…. When you appreciate him, say thank you! Tell him how you feel about his kindness, his warmth, his courteous or tender gestures. Return his warmth and courtesies with your own. If you truly enjoy spending time with him, say so. He’ll appreciate being appreciated more than you know.
Despite stereotypes, men are not simple beings motivated by basic drives. They are complex, emotional, fascinating human beings. Each one has a history, a mojo, a framework, an energy all his own. They want to be seen, heard, appreciated, understood, just like the other half of the species (that would be you).