Being open to love in an online dating world is as much about what is within you as it was before online dating!
It is hard to expect and anticipate love from others-particularly from a stranger you meet online-if we can’t or don’t love ourselves. Sometimes we all project a “closed for business” vibe that can be changed to “I’m open for love” with the right programming.
Here’s how to be more open to love:
- Love yourself first. At least look honestly at yourself and notice your many, many, MANY wonderful qualities. Then be that person, and you will attract the love you deserve.
- Be open and vulnerable. Yes, much easier said than done. For many being vulnerable is like being pecked to death by a duck. But if you can let someone in, you’ll be surprised where it can lead.
- Give up controlling everything. You don’t have to single-handedly ensure the universe functions properly; not even your personal universe. Let some of that go. Without that burden you’ll be able to smell, hear, see, and appreciate more than you ever knew you could. AND maybe even notice someone noticing you back!
- Find your courage and be courageous. For many of us that is what it takes just to smile at someone or to talk to a stranger. Or even (OMG) ask an adorable someone out for a date!
- Do something you love. If you can lose yourself in the flow and enjoy the happy feeling you get when doing something you love, you will be filling your cells with endorphins and happy hormones that make you approachable, desirable, and sexy as hell. But do it for you, not for the results you may get. It makes a difference.
- Do something nice for someone else. Generosity of spirit is contagious and it is a recipe for personal happiness (ever let someone in line in traffic and watch it pass on over and over up the line?) If you are happy, you are open.
And don’t forget to accept something from someone else, which is often much harder. (Receiving is a challenge for many). If you seem closed to gifts (such as compliments, or a favor for instance), you project “I am not open to you or anyone.” And that is NOT what you want to convey.
- Be free and spontaneous. Some people have a very difficult time letting go. Try to remember that you cannot control the outcome—no one can. When you remember that, you’ll be free to go, do, try, and say, “Yes!”
- Let go of your negative past. To be open to love, the past cannot control you. Let go of any hurt or bitterness in your past. Don’t deny it or ignore it, but don’t dwell on it or let it consume you either. Acknowledge it, honor it, thank it for the lessons you learned, and then file it away as a distant memory.
- STOP judging yourself. Why do we compare ourselves to others, beat ourselves up, criticize ourselves in a non-stop barrage of tiny cuts that do more damage than all the romantic trauma the world can throw at us? STOP the negative self-talk.
- START taking risks. When you hear your inner voice screaming “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” about taking a risk – remind yourself that it is good for you and opens you up to the world. Let that risk taking open your life to some great feelings of courage, anticipation, and accomplishment. (That said – you must also be open to the possibility of pain or defeat. But that, too, is okay. It’s all part of the larger scheme of things).
- Rewrite your inner story. For example, if you find yourself saying, “I’ll be alone forever,” because you fear that is true, you are creating a belief within yourself on which you will begin to act. Soon your every action will be based on that fear.
Instead work on rewriting it. Just say something different like “love is mine” or maybe “love is coming my way!”
- Choose to be open. That’s right. Just make a conscious choice to be open, to receive love, to give love. Start your day with the mantra: I choose love.
The blessing that is love is there for you, me, the window washer on the 20th floor, the barista at Starbucks, your Aunt Laura, your 12th grade Spanish teacher—yes EVERYONE.
Your heart is a flower—let it bloom.
Love is the sun—let it warm you.
