Core values – what are they? They are not who you vote for, what car you drive, how much money you make, what restaurants you like, or what movies you prefer. Core values are not what you do, they are who you are.
Core values are very deeply rooted and determine many of the choices you make in life. You have values for family, health, career, and relationships. When you live your life in line with your core values you live your truth. If you can live your truth in a relationship without guilt, apology, anxiety, or doubt, you will be fine. But believe it or not, many people look straight at a strong difference in the core values of themselves and their new dating partner and either can’t or refuse to see the difference.
Early love (actually infatuation) is a drug that will obscure clear thinking and even the ability to feel your strong inner warning system. For example, during the first few weeks of dating Susan saw Jason casually lie to a waiter in a restaurant, heard him lie to his mother on the phone, and later to his boss. Then she was surprised and hurt when she realized Jason had lied to her as well – over and over and over. One of Susan’s core values is absolute honesty, but she managed to excuse the lies she heard Jason tell again and again until she realized that the lies were also to her…
So don’t take lightly the process of figuring out if this new person’s values align with yours. Don’t let the fog of “beautiful, sexy, exciting, handsome” obscure what you can see is their value system. If you really want to date to create a real relationship, slow down and give it some thought. Listen to that still, small voice inside when it is warning you that core values aren’t aligning, and move on. When that voice keeps getting louder and louder, or when your partner is making you to go against your grain remember it’s a BIG problem that will eventually destroy your relationship.
When we have to ignore our core values to be in a relationship, we will ultimately feel uneasy, resentful, even kinda sick, knowing we are not being true to ourselves.
In next week’s blog we’ll talk about how to identify YOUR core values!