Core values can be discovered from life events!
When do you feel disappointed, frustrated, uneasy, or upset with someone you are dating? This can be an indicator what your core values are.
Consider Melanie, who realized that her desire for security and stability where most important to her. She connected with Laura who was all about pushing the envelope and taking risks. Laura was the kind of person who changed jobs every six months, took months off to travel, and lived financially close to the edge. Melanie knew within a few weeks that while she was strongly attracted to beautiful Laura, Laura’s lifestyle was already beginning to cause her unease and would eventually destroy her attraction. That feeling when she was with Laura made Melanie realize that being strongly attracted to her was not enough to sustain long term love and commitment.
In fact, attraction and love can’t change your core values; nor can you impose your core values on someone else, though many have tried (and failed). If you witness a date stealing, lying, or cheating, you can probably identify what value that behavior bumps up against in you. However, there are many other behaviors to consider.
A few of them are:
- Does it bug you when you see someone racking up lots of debt? Don’t hook up with a spendthrift or a gambler.
- Do you love traveling abroad for weeks at a time? Don’t align with a homebody.
- Is your happy place surrounded by friends, family, and people of all kinds in a sort of continuous semi-party? Don’t get serious with a loner.
You get the idea!
Once you have examined your life; where your contentment, happiness, excitement and authenticity lie. Choose your top five most important personal values and prioritize them. Prioritizing values in order of importance will help you see the value itself, beyond the words you use to name it. Then below each value write how you are honoring these values (or how you wish to honor them). What behaviors or lifestyles might be in conflict with YOUR values?
Knowing your core values and living them will ensure your life is one of fulfilled hopes and dreams. Making sure your new dating relationship also aligns with those values is how you create a real connection that can become love that will actually last.