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UGH! When You Want the First Date to be the Last Date!

So you’ve chatted and texted and emailed for a while and you finally agree to a date. You go to a nice restaurant and the conversation is pleasant, but there just isn’t that spark in person, or frankly he/she is just wrong for you on many levels! How do you avoid a second date? How do you exit this first meeting easily without complications or hurt feelings?

Have specific strategies set so you can bow out gracefully. In other words, “Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.”

Below are some strategies that will help:

  • Be honest. No one wants to be pitied or strung along. So try saying something like: “I’ve enjoyed the time we have spent together, but I didn’t feel the spark I need to move things forward.” Or: “Thank you for a lovely time. You are really a great person, but I don’t think we are a match.” And stop there. Do not be pulled into a discussion where you critique the date and have to point out what you feel is missing, inevitably leading to hurt feelings and an angry end.
  • Be clear. Say exactly what you mean. Sometimes we trying to be so polite that the person we’re talking to becomes totally confused. When that happens, that person is likely to hear what they want to hear. So your statements should be absolutely obvious. Whatever you do, do not lead your date on and then ghost them, as in not answering texts, emails or phone calls. If you have ever been ghosted yourself, you know how hurtful and annoying that can be.
  • Be firm. Be assertive and unflinching. Once you have set your boundary do not allow yourself to be talked into a second date. Trust yourself enough to know what is best for you and move on. If your date continues to bring up possibilities, and what ifs, and tries to bargain with you, simply repeat what you have said, word for word. “I’m sorry but I do not want a second date.” Or, “I am glad I met you but we won’t be seeing each other again.” This is the “broken record technique” and works well in this situation. No means no. Eventually the message will get through.

Two red flags to watch out for:

  1. Fear. Fear as in thinking, “what if this is my last chance to find someone?” would be a fear reaction. DO NOT act out of fear. It is a weak position and does not do justice to how great you are.
  2. Insecurity. Insecurity undermines your best self. Insecurity is that little voice in your head saying, “what if I can’t do better than this?” DO NOT listen to that deceptive whisper. Know that you CAN and WILL find the RIGHT person. “Settling” would be an awful injustice to you AND the other person!

Saying NO to what you don’t want opens up the space for what you do want with someone before you agree to a second date!

Don’t waste another minute — go for what you want and get the love you deserve!

Filed Under: Online Dating

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3 Deadly Dating Blunders
and How to Avoid Them

from Betty Russell, BCC

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5 Secrets to Make Online
Dating Work for You

from Betty Russell, BCC

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What Clients Are Saying

Betty walked the path with me in such a way that I found someone amazing!

In a world saturated with online dating and connections that just seem ingenious, I had given up hope. I craved human connection that didn’t involve a screen and knew that I had a lot of love to give.

Finding that person was an uphill battle, but Betty made me feel as though I was not alone. She helped me believe in myself and walked the path with me in such a way that I found someone amazing… and learned more about myself in the process. In my eyes, that’s a double win! – Bruce W, Nashville TN

Betty helped me to regain my authenticity and confidence

I was down-right desperate to find love. I was looking in all the wrong places and found my emotions to be all over the place every time I went on a date. I felt disappointed and hopeless.

Betty helped me to regain my authenticity and confidence. She didn’t just help me to find a partner, but also helped me to navigate my emotions, and realize that it takes two to tango. I had to be the best version of myself to meet someone, and Betty did that for me. – Amanda S, New Orleans LA

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