Breaking up is hard to do. And it’s not just the actual breaking up part either. Dating after a breakup can be very difficult and timing can be everything.
Breakups can leave you feeling like you are on shaky ground. You have lost something that at some point was near and dear to you. Even the messiest breakups started out as something good. In a lot of instances people feel like they lost some a good part of themselves.
Take Some “Me” Time
While sometimes you might feel the need to get back out there right away to do some dating after a breakup, that’s not always the best decision. Take time to grieve the loss of your previous relationship. Learn from what happened. What worked? What didn’t work? What did you learn about yourself?
Spend time reflecting on who you are and what you want in your life and in relationships. Identify your core values and life goals, as these are markers to tell you if your life is headed in the right direction and if it is turning out the way you want it to. Now is the time to get to know yourself better, and it will pay off when you do decide to get back into the dating world.
Getting Back Out There
When you feel that you are ready to dive into the dating pool again, develop a dating strategy and implement it.
I recommend taking thinks slowly to start—baby steps.. Rather than trying to find your true love, spend time dating and enjoy meeting new people. Tell your friends and family when you are ready to start dating again. Sometimes they will be able to set you up with someone in a similar position as you.
Signing up for a dating site is another option. When you do have your dates, make them fun! Go places you enjoy: the bookstore, hiking, dinner with friends, etc.
Also, be aware of the dangers of a rebound relationship, as they most often end with either person getting hurt by unresolved baggage. Know what you want in a relationship to break the patterns that prevent you from finding true love.
Don’t Hold Back
After a breakup you may want to protect yourself from future hurt and shy away from potential partners. Holding back won’t give anyone the chance of getting to know the real you. This doesn’t mean you have to tell your life story on a first date, but being yourself will attract the best partner for you.
On your first few dates back practice good communication. Ask a lot of questions. Get to know the other person, and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Even if you decide they are not your ideal partner, realize you have met someone new, and it could lead to a good friendship or learning experience.
So when is the right time to start dating after a breakup? It’s a decision that should be made with an honest awareness of the state of you heart. I will address this topic in more detail in my next blog.
In conclusion, it’s okay to be upset after a breakup, and it’s normal to take some time before getting back into the dating scene. While you want to take as much time as you need personally, you also don’t want to wait too long and miss out on someone special. Trust yourself—you’ll know when the time is right. Then when you are dating again, keep your expectations in check. Try not to let the past relationship stick in your mind, but also try to learn from that experience. Dating to meet new people (with no serious intentions) is okay, and it may even lead to a surprise connection.
As always I’m available to help you find your true love and build a relationship that lasts. Here is my personal online scheduler to get your 30 minute Free “Getting It Right” strategy session. Let’s get started today!