Last week I talked to you about self-esteem, a fundamental internal navigational system that, when it is working well, allows you to love and accept yourself (Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence PART I – How to Improve Self-esteem). Healthy self-esteem is often present in self-confident people, but not always. You can be confident in certain arenas – [read more]
Asking for What You Need – Why You Should and Why It’s Hard
We are born fully programmed to ask for, and receive, what we need. A baby just minutes old will turn its head expectantly, assuming its biological need for sustenance will be met promptly. If it isn’t, the baby cries, and mama puts the little wiggleworm to her breast. Feedback loop complete. Easy, right? Well, yes, [read more]
Finding the Right Person—Four Truths
You’re not 20 anymore. You are long out of college and maybe long out of your last serious relationship. Unattached people are not milling about in every building you enter, and when you stand at the check-out line, the people within a decade of your age all have wedding rings, babies, or both. But do [read more]
The Value of Interdependent Relationships
Dependence. Independence. Co-dependence Interdependence. These are not buzz words – they are terms that clearly delineate ways of interacting with others. Dependence – A newborn baby is dependent. All the power lies with its parents. Dependence is a vulnerable, trusting state. As adults, we can be, at times, dependent on others, but it is never [read more]
Thanks, but No Thanks: A Vital Life Skill
Some people find it easy to say no. You know those people? Maybe you are one of those people. But if you are one of the millions of others – those who struggle mightily with that simple word – you may be both envious and awestruck by those who can just say no. For so [read more]
Why Emotional Security is #1 in a Relationship
My client Virginia originally called me to help her navigate a difficult relationship. She loved Pat so much it was painful. The problem was, it actually was painful. She never knew when he was going to pull the rug out from under her. One day he was understanding and supportive, telling her how much he [read more]
The Myth of Greener Grass
My client Quinton was never quite satisfied. Even when he was, clearly, satisfied, he always wondered if he could be more satisfied. He moved twice in one year because he found an apartment he liked better four months into his first lease. It was a mess, but he got “the apartment of his dreams.” Or [read more]
Priority or Option? What’s Your Relationship Rank?
Diana had been dating Axel for several months, but she still did not really feel very secure about where she stood in the relationship. Axel rarely answered texts, and never picked up the phone when Diana called. He’d text her, though, when he was ready to get together, often at the very last minute. And [read more]