By the time Laila came to me she’d had an online profile for only two weeks, and she was already burned out. The first guy she met on the site requested regular IM chat dates starting right away, told her his life story without asking her about herself, and, during their second chat meeting, demanded [read more]
Expert Dating and Relationship Advice from Coach Betty Russell, BCC
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Write What You Want — Online Dating Profiles and the Relationship Checklist
A colleague recently mentioned his experience with online dating checklists—you know, where you have to convey your dating requirements or “must haves.” We agreed that some of the lists people are making on dating sites are—pardon me—ridiculous. Mostly because they are naïve, careless, or shallow. We’ve seen it all, from blatant stereotypes—such as blanket claims [read more]
Springing into Love—How to Know if You Are Ready for a New Relationship
Many people experience some special feelings in the spring. After the long dark months of winter—especially if you lived in a part of the world that got hit hard with cold, snow, and relentless wind chills—you may experience early spring giddiness. That lightness that enters your body somewhere beneath your ribs and gives you a [read more]
This Isn’t a Competition: How to Stop Keeping Score in Relationships
Mort was a scorekeeper. He kept track of the things, little and big, that he did for his wife, Andrea. He noticed if she did not notice when he did something wonderful, and he was painfully aware if she did or did not do something nice for him. He would adjust his actions towards her [read more]
What’s So Great about a Great Relationship?
Don’t we all want a great relationship? The partnership so “meant to be” that you can almost hear the “click.” The “she gets me, I get her” kind of relationship. The one with trust and comfort and loyalty, warm fuzzy feelings, mutual cheer-leading, sickness-and-health, devotion, presence—all of it. Maybe you have that now, or had [read more]
Hostage or Free? Codependency Revisited
Codependency has gotten some press in recent years. Which is a very good thing because it drags into the light of day a dangerous and fairly common relationship pattern that can hold people hostage for years. If ignored, codependency can do grave damage. I worry that people sometimes hear “codependent” and brush it off— yeah, [read more]
The Art of Re-framing Your Beliefs
On paper, Naomi had a lot going for her. Smart and well-educated, a college professor, Naomi has a quick wit. She made me laugh the first time we met. She is tall and athletic, attractive and, when she wants to be, quite stylish. Her best friend talked her into hiring me as a dating coach. [read more]
The Myth of Greener Grass
My client Quinton was never quite satisfied. Even when he was, clearly, satisfied, he always wondered if he could be more satisfied. He moved twice in one year because he found an apartment he liked better four months into his first lease. It was a mess, but he got “the apartment of his dreams.” Or [read more]