Last week I wrote about being in the flow. Think about the Buddha’s river that I mentioned in that blog. If being in the flow is allowing the current of that river to take us, then imagine if our loved ones were with us in that peaceful river? You and I cannot push our partners [read more]
Being in the Flow Part I
In Siddhartha, his novel about the Buddha, Herman Hesse wrote, “The river is everywhere.” It makes sense that it was beside a river that the Buddha achieved enlightenment. If the river is the flow of life, all the things we clutter up the banks of the river with serve only to keep us from that [read more]
Falling in the Fall—The Joys of Autumn Romance
There is a reason I do not live at the equator. As much as a balmy climate has its perks, I am a sucker for the changing of the seasons. There is something truly magical about fall. The air has a crisp tang to it. The sky seems bluer. The smell of changing leaves and [read more]
Romance—It’s Alive and Well and Ready for Action
What does romance mean? No matter how many dictionaries you consult, you’ll get a lot of different definitions. But essentially, romance relates to the feelings of pleasure and comfort, or even mystery and longing, that are associated with a person you love and are in a relationship with. Romance, for our purposes, relates to the [read more]
What You Saw is Not What I Did – How Perception Can Mess with a Relationship Part II
Last week we started to look at perception and what it means, the fact that it is not too reliable, and that emotions, memories, fears, and expectations are like filters that alter our perceptions. (What you saw is not what I did part I) What do these truths about perceptions mean to a relationship? Well, [read more]
Balance of Power vs. Control – How to Share Power in a Relationship
“I’m not the one who’s a control freak,” squawked my friend Allison. She was calling for a debriefing about a month into a new relationship. She wouldn’t let any of her friends wear white after Labor Day, but she said that compared to Patrick, she’s the definition of mellow. Apparently Patrick used a powerfully shriveling [read more]
Reaching Accord: How the Power Struggle Stage Can Create Relationship Growth
A few weeks ago, I got a call from Eric. He needed coaching, he said, because his perfect relationship was suddenly not-so-perfect, and he did not have a clue what was going on. He was grieving for what he saw as the loss of his ideal relationship. He told me: “Gillian and I fell passionately [read more]
Shifting out of Loneliness: The Nuance of Solitude (Part II)
Human beings are social creatures. Our need to belong is not just a factor of our socialization—it’s encoded in our DNA! As the 17th century poet John Donne wrote so profoundly: “No man is an island / entire of itself.” All of us fall on a continuum of how social we are, depending on how [read more]